


Greenstick Fractures

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Shuffle Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6414010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written under standard Shuffle Challenge rules.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Greenstick Fractures

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in 2010. My chosen theme was "cause of death/witty banter" rather than a specific character or pairing.

~ Greenstick Fractures ~

\- Infected Mushroom, "Tasty Mushroom" -

"Do you want to have a tasty mushroom?" Hodgins joked as he examined the various flora found in their vegan victim's stomach.

"You're disgusting," Cam said, pointing at him - as if anyone had any doubt as to whom she was addressing with that comment. She continued in a no-nonsense tone, "Now, quit playing around and find out what kind of mushrooms they are, and if they had anything to do with the cause of death."

Hodgins wiggled the mushroom, looking like he wanted to make another comment.

"And stop waving that around!" Cam snapped.

"Ok, then," Hodgins replied. And everyone got back to work.

* * *

\- Outkast, "Hey Ya!" -

"Bones, did you change my radio station?"

"It was on commercials."

"I had it on the station I wanted it on."

When Booth reached over to change the station back, Bones smacked his hand.

"Hey!"

"I _like_ this music."

"... you didn't have to smack me," Booth pouted.

* * *

\- Fear Factory, "Millennium" -

"This guy's like a million years old, right?"

"No, Booth, the remains are one millennium old, which means they're a thousand years old, not a million."

"... do you ever wonder who named numbers that way? It's kind of confusing actually."

"No, I have honestly never wondered that."

"Oh... okay, then."

* * *

\- Disturbed, "Down With The Sickness" -

"Whoa, wait! Are you telling me our victim died from the plague? As in, the BLACK plague?" Booth asked incredulously.

"What other plague would I mean?" Cam asked flatly.

"He must have been down with the sickness," Hodgins said. When this comment was met with blank looks, he said, "Guys, come on!" Then he started to beatbox the hit metal song, " _Get up get up get down with the sickness_. You know, the song by Disturbed... "

But the blank looks persisted.

"You know what? You guys _suck_."

* * *

\- PE'Z, "我ら五人の侍なり～We are five samurai～" -

"The cause of death appears to have been... a heart attack."

"In a perfectly healthy young male? What caused the attack?"

"No idea. Other than being _dead_ , he's perfectly healthy in every way."

"Look, this guy didn't just drop dead for no reason..."

"He _did_ have a heart attack."

"But what _caused_ it?"

"... maybe someone scared him really bad?"

* * *

\- Static-X, "Down" -

"Jack fell down and broke his crown?"

"...and the king was REALLY mad."

* * *

\- EVE6, "Leech" -

"Ew, what _are_ those?" Angela asked, sounding disgusted, as chunks of slimy-thing-covered flesh fell off their rotting victim's corpse.

"They're leeches," Hodgins replied gleefully, scooping up the shed flesh and wiggly critters and carrying them off to his workstation.

"Ew. Double ew." Angela shuddered. "I'll... be in my office if anyone needs me."

* * *

\- Rammstein, "Bück Dich" -

"Hodgins, did you find out what that residue on the garter was?"

"Yeah, get this: it was honey."

"There was honey on the garter?"

"And I can even tell you what kind of bees it was from!"

* * *

\- Sugar Ray, "When It's Over" -

They'd just finished with their current job, when Booth came strolling into the lab.

"Got a body!" he announced. "Let's go."

"It never ends," Cam complained. She'd been looking forward to some time off after the case finished, but now they already had another.

_And when it's over, is it really over?_

* * *

\- Sarah Bettens, "All Of This Past" -

"The victim was a vampire who was pregnant with the child of her werewolf lover?" Booth looked up from the preliminary report. "Seriously? THIS is what you guys have figured out from looking at the bodies?"

"No, we're just screwing with you," Hodgins said, grinning. "Here's the real report."

Which said the same thing, only in terms that Booth couldn't understand.

~oOo~

**Author's Note:**

> "我ら五人の侍なり～We are five samurai～" is a song from the Death Note tribute CD, which is why the heart attack...
> 
> "Down" - *yells* I LIKE PUNS.
> 
> "Leech" - I went off the title, not the lyrics (which are not about actual leeches).
> 
> "Bück Dich" - "Honig bleibt am Strumpfband kleben" = "Honey clings to the garter" ...although I'm sure that was meant as a sexual reference and not about actual honey in the song.
> 
> "All of This Past" - the song is from one of the Underworld movie soundtracks, so I went off of that rather the song itself.


End file.
